When Catholics die, we mourn and pray for them in a three-part liturgy. The night before the funeral itself, there is the vigil — at the home, the church, or a funeral home — where friends and family gather to pray for the soul of the deceased.

The next day, there is the Funeral Mass at the church, and following this the committal, when we accompany the body to its final resting place in the cemetery.

Each ceremony has its own prayers said in the presence of the loved one’s body.

A couple of times — for a neighbor and for a cousin — I’ve been invited instead to an event called a “celebration of life.” In both cases, the family insisted, “It’s not a funeral.”

One of these celebrations (at a Lutheran church) was much like a traditional funeral, although the body was not present, as it was held some weeks after the death. The other was not at all like a funeral, with drum circles and other new age ceremonies. This family was not religious and had deliberately rejected all traditional rites.

Recently, I’ve also heard the term “celebration of life” used in Catholic circles. At first, I thought it a harmless euphemism for “funeral,” just as many people say “passed away” or “passed” instead of “died,” to try to ease the painful reality. But is this correct? May Catholics choose celebrations of life instead of Funerals?

What are we talking about?

Complicating the answer to this question is the fact that there’s no one definition of a celebration of life. According to Wikipedia, the key distinction between a celebration of life and a funeral is that the body is not present for the celebration — it is essentially a memorial observance.

But many funeral homes suggest that the real difference is in the level of personalization available. For instance, a die-hard Packers fan might have a Packers-themed celebration of life. On this account, the key difference is how closely the event adheres to a traditional, formal ritual.

Presence of the body

First, then, must the body be present at a Catholic ceremony? At the three key funeral liturgies, absolutely. The resurrection of the body is the central promise of our faith. At the funeral, we pray that we will see this very body again in Heaven.

However, there are also Catholic observances of a person’s death at which the body is not present, called memorials.

These have traditionally been held on special dates such as an anniversary, with a Mass that may be followed by a reception. Some have special names such as the “month’s mind” held 30 days after the death.

If the celebration of life is simply another name for a Memorial Mass and reception, then very well — as long as we pray for the person’s soul, as well as celebrate their memory.

What about personalization?

What about when celebration of life means a personalized, creative ceremony in place of a Funeral Mass?

Funeral liturgies are not totally customizable. They have a basic required structure — we cannot choose to read a poem instead of the Gospel at a Funeral Mass or to share a potluck dinner instead of the Eucharist.

Choosing a celebration of life as an alternative to the rites of the Church is simply not Catholic.

Implicit in rejecting a Funeral Mass is a rejection of the Church’s teaching that the dead need our prayers. Typically, such celebrations also reject mourning, proudly claiming not to be “somber affairs.”

I’ve attended one where black clothing was forbidden in favor of bright colors; somehow, I don’t think that diminished the pain of the mother who had lost her young son. Denying grief doesn’t cure it.

Our faith allows room for the full range of emotions.

Grief is a part of love, and it does not exclude sharing happy memories. Jesus wept at the grave of Lazarus — even though he fully intended to raise him from the dead.

Our Lord’s tears spoke more eloquently of their relationship than any themed party that Martha could have put together in the midst of her grief.

How then can Catholics celebrate life?

Do Catholic mourning rituals, then, forbid celebrating the life of the deceased? By no means! While the homily at a Catholic funeral is not a eulogy, it is a fitting time to recall the work of grace in a person’s life and death. Then-Cardinal Ratzinger’s homily at Pope St. John Paul II’s funeral is exemplary in this regard.

And there are further opportunities to remember and celebrate our loved ones in our burial rites. Near the end of the vigil liturgy, there is a designated spot for a member or friend of the family to speak in remembrance of the deceased.

And following the formal vigil, or at the funeral luncheon after the committal, it is a time-honored Catholic custom for all present to share memories and stories, for hours, or even all night long — this is the wake.

At my own death, I hope there will be a solemn vigil where many holy people will pray for my poor soul, and then a less formal wake, liberally assisted by food and drink.

In such an informal setting, the lights and shadows of a life can be recalled lovingly and frankly, without concern for undermining the due solemnity of the liturgy.

Conclusion

While what is commonly called a celebration of life is not always inconsistent with Catholic belief and practice, its origin is not within the Catholic faith, and it does not improve on our traditional rites, which offer us ample opportunity to celebrate life, mourn our dead, and pray for their souls.